On Open Relationships, Ace Relationships, and Dating a Fellow Aspie/Autist

I said in my previous post I had a big announcement to make. Well, I’m sure the title of this post kind of gives it away and for those of you who have been paying attention over the past few months I’m sure it comes as absolutely no surprise.

Alas, yes, it’s official – Laina and I are an item. It just kind of sprouted on its own over the past few months. As our bond continued to grow, so did a deeper-seated love for each other, to the point that well, we really couldn’t deny it anymore. Our dynamic had evolved from close friends/neuro-siblings to more of that of a couple.

For those of you who follow both of us, I’m sure this leaves you scratching your head as I’m sure you’ve heard her refer to a partner, or maybe more specifically, a “Mr. Kitty.” No, he and I are not one and the same. She is indeed married to someone else. I’m sure to many of you it sounds like I’m a total homewrecker, and I don’t know as though I’d fault anyone who actually thought that way, but I hope some of you will hear me out on this.

Laina and Mr. Kitty are polar opposites in the physical affection department. Laina is very cuddly but ace. Mr. Kitty is hands-off yet almost hypersexual. To say there’s a mismatch there would be an understatement. Poor Laina was starving for physical affection, so she turned to someplace she could get it – from me. Laina and I are identical in that way, we need physical affection but are totally asexual. We still have not, and will not ever have sexual intercourse with each other. Neither of us is fulfilled by such action.

Of course this has been going on for some time, and out of fear of losing the business Laina and Mr. Kitty operate together, as well as possessions, furkids, etc. – we have had to keep it on the hush-hush, until now. Luckily Mr. Kitty is understanding of the situation, but as I had suspected he knew long before Laina disclosed it to him. For now, it seems as though we are out of any immediate danger, which is a relief. It had been weighing heavily on me. Even as much as I love her, I didn’t want to see her lose everything, and from the time this started developing I kept telling her not to do anything stupid or rash.

None of this is a slam on Mr. Kitty, by the way. I like him well enough and get along great with him. We cut up with each other just as I would any other friend. He’s funny and witty and he has some interesting stories to tell about his past life as a police/fire dispatcher. Does it feel weird being in a relationship with Laina that’s extramarital for her? Maybe a bit, and to be fair I had to quash some slight guilty feelings inside me, but I’ve come to terms with it, and especially since they’ve given each other a yellow/green light to have an open marriage, which I should say I have never had anything against, nor have I had anything against polyamory ever so long as all parties are consenting adults.

Now, this is the first time I’ve dated someone A) older than me, and B) a fellow aspie/autist. I think both of these elements work in my favor. It does take someone older and more mature to handle me and there are markers in my natal chart that suggest I am attracted to older people. My last relationship was with someone 8.25 years younger than me and it was an absolute disaster. This time I’m with someone 9.5 years older and it’s so much smoother. Concerning the latter factor, I think it helps us to understand each other better, how we click, what makes us tick, and helps with communication and understanding.

Am I going to say the above are universal elements? No, but if you are on the autism spectrum and looking to date as it were, perhaps staying inside the community is the better bet. There are exceptions to every rule of course, and take my own experience with a grain of salt, but that’s how I personally see it.

So that’s that. Again, I’m sure it’s no surprise to most of you. Hell, it came as a surprise to me even. I was not expecting this to come out of all this, but what happens does. The heart wants what the heart wants, after all.

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Some Blog Reflections

It’s been since I’ve moved to San Antonio since I’ve even written anything on here. I’ve been busy settling in, exploring, visiting wineries in the hill country, that kind of thing. I’m also learning American Sign Language via free classes taught by the honors students of a local high school program.

Anyway, I digress. I still feel like I’m out of inspiration for blog posts for now, especially given how the central themes of this blog have seemingly gone by the wayside. I never got much traffic on any of my autism or tattoo themed posts. Most of my traffic has been on my political rants and my most popular post to date is the DIY tutorial on how to cut Daisy/Davy Dukes. Like seriously? I mean it was a fun post but surely there aren’t that many guys especially who have the guts to wear anything besides sissy-ass long shorts.

I’ll definitely keep this blog open. It costs me nothing to leave it here. I’ll check in from time to time, but I’ve got quite a big announcement coming soon. Some of you who have stuck with me the past few months are likely going to know what that is, but I’ll let it brew for now.

Has This Blog Run Its Course?

Yes, I know I’m nowhere near as prolific as I once was on this blog. What’s gone from 1-2 posts/day has dwindled to maybe 1-2 posts per week max, and most of those are, shall we say, labored?

It’s like I’m writing out of a sense of obligation at this point. Sure, this blog has grown beyond what I ever anticipated, but I just don’t know anymore.

Overall, traffic is down. Everything is down. With the exception of a couple of core people, nobody reads or comments anymore. My core people are all connected to me outside of my blog at this point (FB, phone, email, Hangouts) so does this blog really serve a purpose anymore?

My own inked journey might be coming to an end. I have 11 tattoos right now, and there’s a real possibility I’ll stop here. I’ve just not had the desire for a new one, and it’s been almost 5 months since I last went under the needle. As I’ve quickly run out of tame spots, I’m at the point I would have to tackle the more painful areas if I wanted to continue and I’m just not sure I want to do that.

I was once the one who gave the minority opinion on the autism issue. In a way, that gave me a niche market in the autism blogosphere. I can’t help but think many read me to either hear the opposite opinion or to tear me to shreds as an example of the type of person not to be. Given my own what I’ll call 150 on the topic of neurodiversity (I won’t call it a 180), I’ve become just another autism blogger (when I do blog about that topic). My niche is gone. I have nothing to set me apart from the crowd.

This isn’t the first time this has happened. I’ve had probably a dozen or so blogs over the years, most of which fizzled out after 2-3 years. One of which only lasted five months. All of those blogs are gone. Deleted forever. This is the only active one I have now.

While I won’t be deleting this blog (as I feel some of my older posts still give some balance to the cure/no cure debate and I have some solid advice for those looking to get started in an inked journey, as well as some fashion advice for those men who want to be cutting edge), I just don’t know if I have the desire to continue blogging new content.

I guess seasons change and so did I, and maybe not in a good way in this aspect. Oh well. It happens I guess.

Labor Day Fun (With Birthday Compliments to…)

Well here I am, back at my temporary dwelling place after a fun Labor Day excursion. After the crappy weekend I’ve had, it’s something I really needed.

The backstory: this weekend sucked. And I mean SUCKED. Nothing seemed to go right. Even my usual weekend rounds? Dull and mundane. The lifestyle I’d become used to over the past few years just wasn’t satisfying to me. The entire time at the cigar lounge on Saturday, all I could think about was how I just didn’t want to be there. I was there out of what I felt to be routine, not necessity. Just not feeling it, I cut my time there short and just went home, something I’m not used to.

Laina to the rescue though. We were schmoozing by text and she just reassured me it was the universe telling me it was time for something different; confirming that the decision I’m making to relocate is the correct one. Full speed ahead, all systems go.

Anyway, that led up to today when Laina and her best friend from school made the trek up to Abilene for a combined road trip for both Labor Day and her birthday (which just happened to fall on Labor Day this year). We started our day off at a local tea shop – Tea2Go, which has some amazing tea products. We shot the shit, drank tea, chilled, did some light cuddling. It was a great jumpstart to the day, making my day brighter already.

Then it was to my favorite Indian restaurant here called Spicy India. This place is like OMG good. How Abilene got this level of talent I will never know, but if you’re ever in the Abilene area this place is a must-try. If you’re gluten sensitive/reactive, know that all the curries are gluten-free, just be sure to ask for the fried onion strings to be left off of the rice (they’re battered). All three of us enjoyed a delicious curry lunch, and Laina and I got a spiked mango lassi to cool off the curry (this place really does live up to its name!). I always love showing out-of-towners my favorite places.

From there, we made our way over to the best coffee shop in Abilene in my opinion – a little place called Monk’s. We got coffee, sat outside for awhile while Laina and I got our nicotine fix, then moved inside onto a comfy couch so we could have some cuddle time and the duo was nice enough to bring along some of Laina’s birthday cake – totally gluten-free and one couldn’t even tell it was so good.

As a side note, cuddling and physical touch is so lost in today’s world and it’s tragic. We’ve become so afraid of the hysteria of even brushing up against someone accidentally that we’re afraid of physical touch, and our physical and mental health is suffering for it. I stumbled across a great article about this (hyperlink in text) – it’s a worthy read.

Anyway I digress – afterward we got a little restless so we went on a walk through downtown exploring some different things. It was a hot day but not too hot by Texas summer standards so it wasn’t totally unbearable, but it was a fun little jaunt. We found a cool mural to pose in front of:

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And then found some other trouble to get into in downtown. Exploring different structures, statues, etc. – Abilene is a boring, dull town overall but it does have its few areas of interest.

From there, it was back to Monk’s for some cool-down time, a little more cuddle time and to wrap up the day with some small talk. Before we knew it, it was 5:00 and time for Laina and her friend to head back to SA, at which point I guided them back to the highway and we sadly split. We stayed on the phone until I arrived back at my temporary dwelling place, and that was that.

All in all, it was a great day and I feel so honored to have played a part in making your birthday so special, Laina. I cherish the special “twin soul” bond we share so very deeply. You’ve given me life again. I was dead inside. Hope you have a safe journey back and can’t wait to hang out again!

Cigar Review: Southern Draw Rose of Sharon

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This offering from Southern Draw cigars features an Ecuadorian Connecticut wrapper over a Nicaraguan binder and Nicaraguan and Dominican long fillers. The size smoked for review is a 6″ x 52RG box pressed Toro vitola.

The first light revealed a slightly snug draw but producing ample creamy, medium-bodied smoke. The first light flavors revealed a general nutty flavor profile supported by a big pepper blast on the retrohale. Fairly plain out of the gate, but ramped up quickly.

As the cigar develops into the first third, a rich bouquet of smooth flavors enter in – the nuttiness takes on a distinct cashew note and is followed up with notes of sweet cream and vanilla extract. The pepper is still very present on the finish and retrohale. All flavors are very well blended and nothing dominates over the others.

We see only a slight transition into the 2nd third as the pepper starts to diminish slightly, allowing a heavy, aromatic oak to enter the mix. The final third saw another subtle shift as the vanilla started to diminish and the pepper ramped back up. Finishing out at 1 hour and 20 minutes for a very impressive burn time for a Toro sized stick and bringing in a surprising medium nicotine strength.

The construction was absolutely perfect with a near razor-sharp burn all the way down and the ash holding on solidly for a third of the cigar at a time. High-quality self-adhesive bands that were easy to remove and did not damage the wrapper leaf in any way.

Wow, is the paradigm shifting when it comes to Connecticut blends? I’ve gotten a number of them recently that have defied my expectations for what a Connecticut would be. Maybe we’re seeing a market trend toward more flavorful, complex Connecticuts? I hope so, as I do like to smoke milder cigars in the morning (my palate is quite sensitive). ¬†This one is definitely in the upper echelon, right up there with the previously reviewed Henry Clay War Hawk and the Blanco Liga Exclusiva de Familia. ¬†Great with a nice strong, dark roast coffee. Rating: 4.5/5.

Phoenix, You’re A Fine Girl

Wow. Just, wow. That’s about all I can say right now.

Since we’ve already secured me a place to live, that freed Laina and I up to have some fun the rest of my vacation week, and that’s exactly what we did today when we took Phoenix out for a 330-ish mile (530-ish km) road trip end to end today, on some of the most fun terrain I’ve ever driven any vehicle on.

We set out around 11:30 AM for Kerrville by way of Texas State Highway 16, a route I had ridden with her once before that I just knew I had to drive Phoenix through. Multiple elevation changes and twists and turns galore – some rated as low as 15 MPH “safe speed.”

15 MPH? Heh, is that some kind of a joke? Well, maybe not if you’re driving a big-ass pickup or SUV, but Phoenix in her low, sleek Jetta GLI profile? Try like 35-40 MPH negotiating those. Whatever the road threw at us she powered through consistently 20 MPH above the specced speeds, never leaving the demarcations of the lanes. Lots of down and upshifting, revving the engine hard, but never turning the wheel more than about 60 degrees in either direction. You could totally feel the G-Forces as we navigated the terrain, but at no point was she at the remotest risk of rolling over or tumbling down a hill.

We arrived in Kerrville for a nice lunch at their location of Fuddruckers (or, as we jokingly call it, “Ruddfuckers” :-P). Surprisingly, I’d never been to a Fuddruckers in my life. I went out on a limb and orderd an elk burger, on a gluten-free bun and loaded it up with various toppings. It was absolutely delicious.

After re-fueling our tanks (as Phoenix had gotten a full tank of Chevron Techron Supreme earlier in the day), we set back on the return trip, which I drove even slightly more aggressively than on the trip up. Again, she totally owned it, but we weren’t done yet!

On a total limb, we decided to take a side trip to make the loop known as “The Three Sisters” or “Texas’ Twisted Sisters” (which consists of Ranch Roads 335, 336, and 337). Let me tell you what – that name is no joke. Steep hills, tight turns, switchbacks and a hairpin all rolled into one. Once again, Phoenix never missed a beat as I dropped her into the lower gears, powered through the turns much faster than rated (including a hairpin rated at 10 MPH that she negotiated at 30 without blinking an eye), and powering up the steep grades, revving to the redline.

To say it was a total adrenaline rush would be a gross understatement. We lost cell signal in many places, leaving me wondering if we were really on the right path or we were just totally lost. I almost had a panic attack, but Laina (bless her heart) kept me focused through it all as I drove it in hard and made it stick. Sure, we had a couple of incidents of wildlife that we had to evade, as well as a construction zone, but never a hiccup through any of it.

Before I knew it we were right back to where we started, completing the loop end to end. High as a kite, and in desperate need of a piss, we stopped into a Family Dollar to relieve myself and then completed the journey back to home HQ (which I can now call it such as well).

Of course, all this going on while Laina blared her tunes in my CD as we sang along (well, she sang along and I made my pathetic attempt to, best described as caterwauling) shot the shit, punctuated by our ritual belching and throat clearing contests at times, and she totally entertained me by her facial expressions and random exclamations as I negotiated the obstacles. She even went so far as to tell me how impressed she was with my skill level, and I hadn’t even driven like that ever in my life! I guess it comes naturally to me.

Maybe I should consider a weekend gig of being a stunt driver for car commercials? You know, those car commercials that say “professional driver on a closed course – do not attempt.” I’m sure they make good money.

At any rate, needless to say Phoenix really impressed me today. This might be the first time she’s been driven for the purpose she was designed for. Make no mistake about it, the Jetta GLI is, for all intents and purposes, a sportscar even though it isn’t listed as such. It shares nothing in common with the “regular” Jetta and it might damn well be the best car VW builds (assuming, of course, the proper maintenance schedule is followed). After that outing, Laina and I ultimately agreed that despite the initial issues I had, I made the correct choice when I opted for her over the Honda Fit.

So as to what kind of trouble we’ll get into the rest of the week, we don’t quite know yet. All I know is this might be my best vacation ever.

 

The San Antonio Chronicles: Move Date Set

Well here it is folks, I now have a move date set!

I’m on vacation this week as I had set aside a full week to devote to dwelling hunting. I figured I’d take the full week in case I did need to shop around a bit for something in my price range and in a good part of town. I was fully expecting it to take some time, and it did – maybe an hour.

After looking at various candidates and creating a “short list,” I went about prioritizing my selections and devised a plan with the help of Laina – we would start with my first choice and work down until I found the right place.

Did I say work down? Hah! Not in this lifetime. There was no working down at all as I scored a great unit at a great price at the property that was my top choice. I was in and out, done, within an hour (pending some minor verification of things, which shouldn’t take long at all).

Well guess what? I will be living in the same complex as Laina, just a few buildings down! Like how cool is that? We’ll be able to see each other pretty much whenever we want with just a short walk. I’ll have someone to pal around with whenever I want, to shoot the shit with, have dinner with, watch IndyCar racing with, you name it! Like could it get any better than that?

So when is this going down? My move in date is tentatively scheduled for October 3rd, so it’s coming up in about a month and a half. When something is the right thing, it just happens to move along rather quickly doesn’t it? This definitely does feel like the right thing too. I’ve never really felt at home anywhere I’ve lived, yet when I come down to San Antonio to visit, it just feels like I’m coming home.

Well, come October 3rd, I will be coming home and staying. I’ve already sniffed out a good little chunk of town too where I can have my entertainment. I’ve found a number of great eateries with ample gluten-free options, a few grocery stores close by, a Friday/Saturday night hangout. Now all I need is a cigar lounge to kick it at (until I open mine) as well as a couple of places to do open mic and/or karaoke at (which Laina swears she will drag me to, come hell or high water!).

Anyway, I’m still glad I took the week off because that means the rest of the week I get to have some fun. We’ll maybe take Phoenix for a road trip somewhere (there’s a stretch of road I’ve been dying to drive her on to really put her through her paces), go explore some hangouts, among other things that are way more fun than looking for a place to live. It’ll be great to “mark my territory” as it were, which is important for a big city as you don’t want to be fighting traffic to traverse the entire city on a daily basis.

While I’ll miss my family and Abilene friends for sure, I know this is the right thing for me and I’ll be in a better place. As such, even when I might be having second thoughts in my mind, I’ll push through. Getting up the nerve to make a big change is the hardest part, then the change itself. Once it’s behind you, it’s done and then things really smooth out after (after all, Laina and I already have a list a mile long of fun stuff to do). Now, I just need the inner strength to follow through.

Wish me luck during this major transitional step, I’m gonna need it.