So the past two days (the last two days of my nine days of reflection which began Monday the 10th) have been some of the weirdest in my life and I’m left totally lost, confused, maybe still a little bit angry and with a lot to think about.
So yesterday at 7 AM sharp I get called into my boss’s office along with one of the salesmen, which I thought was just weird. I then got chewed out, being told “cussing in the office is against company policy” which then ended in an official written warning. Needless to say I was rather enraged at that point, especially since everyone in that office uses coarse language. Inconsistent enforcement of the rules just screams targeting to me.
I then retire to my office, still fuming with rage and try to accomplish what I’ve got on my docket but try as I might I just couldn’t. Yesterday wound up being a total blur for most of the day as my anger just stewed. Toward the end of the day I typed up a short, sweet letter of resignation because I’d just had enough. I printed it, taped my office key to it and marched right into my boss’s office and handed it to him along with my key and company cell phone.
I was expecting it to be a case of “well, OK, bye” but it was anything but. I don’t know if it’s technically legal for your boss to refuse a resignation but that’s essentially what he did by telling me I was making a big mistake. Whatever, I thought, I can make it official the next day right? So I just went home and I was still so steaming mad I just skipped my evening ritual of a cigar, a drink and didn’t even eat dinner because nothing sounded good. I took a sleeping pill and my allergy medicine and went right to bed ,where I slept almost 12 hours straight save for my daily 5:00 alarm blaring, which I promptly silenced and ignored.
I rolled out of bed looking like hell upon my 2nd alarm (set for 6:00 AM) sounding, which is about when I leave the house every morning. I gathered up my company logo polo shirts, stuff them in my car and hit the road with the intent of just being at the office long enough to leave my shirts behind, along with my company phone and office key and bolt. Talk about symbolic – my great-grandmother died 16 years ago today. How would it have been for my career in the crane industry to die the same day? It just seemed like destiny to me.
I arrive at the office and notice my boss is in a meeting. “Perfect,” I thought to myself; I’ll slip in my office just long enough to leave my stuff behind, get what few personal belongings I still have in there and then bolt without even being noticed. Well, as you might imagine it didn’t pan out that way, for just as I was about to leave my boss gets out of his meeting and tells me good morning, to which I responded with the old Eeyore-ism “If it is a good morning, which I doubt.”
A brief exchange then ensued, with him telling me to smile (you don’t EVER tell me to smile, by the way – I’ll smile if I have a reason to and if I don’t I won’t) and he outright goes “you think too much.” Well, maybe I do, but that’s how we autists are, don’t you know? We can’t help it.
Anyway, I went on about my business as mostly normal today, still unsure of my own future with this company and even this business. If it’s less stressful for me, I was even offered to work from home on a most-time basis, coming up only to check in once or twice a week. I have to admit that’s a very attractive option, but I will have to do some soul-searching because I can’t help but think that I have a target on my back still.
Luckily I’ll have some time to ponder it. Due to having a lot of unused sick time tomorrow will be my last day of work for the year. Given statutory holidays and weekends in between that, I have damn near two weeks off coming up. It’ll give me a lot of time to think and to maybe cool down from my blinding rage. Whatever the case, I’ve got some serious soul-searching to do.
Today 16 years ago was no doubt the worst day of my life. The day I lost my great-grandmother was unquestionably such. It was nearly as bad a day today. Not quite, but close. Maybe December 19th is just cursed for some reason, kind of like the Ides of March.
Whatever the case, as always thanks for letting me vent. Now time to go light some incense, meditate, and reflect upon the life of the most influential and important person in my life.