Oh No Way, Oh So Way

Stolen from King Ben’s Grandma.

Been so drunk, just couldn’t walk

Oh So Way. Sadly. In my defense, I can count the number of times I’ve been such on one hand. First was at the 2010 Mountain Brewer’s Beer Festival in Idaho Falls. $20 for unlimited samples? Yeah, bad idea. The only other time was after my friend got fired when we were both working at my previous company. I took it hard, needless to say.

Had a near death experience

Unfortunately, that’s also an Oh So Way. In addition to my near suicide back in 2015, I also have a heart conditioned called Wolff-Parkinson-White Syndrome that nearly killed me once. Had a radiofrequency ablation to correct it in 2008 and have been problem-free since then.

Talked to yourself in public

Oh So Way! It’s one of my worst habits truth be told.

Lied about age in order to fit in to the crowd

Oh So Way! Pipe band culture makes you do crazy things. I had developed a taste for Single Malt Scotch way before I was drinking age and so I always said I was 21. Nobody ever questioned it.

Gatecrashed a party

Oh No Way! Do you seriously think I ever get invited to parties?

Sniffed your underwear to see if it’s clean or dirty

Oh No Way! That’s just fucking gross. If in doubt, I will assume dirty.

Not paid a restaurant bill … deliberately

Oh No Way! I have, however, once left a zero tip. Only once, and that’s because the server made a rude remark about my short shorts. She didn’t think I overheard it. I did. Zero tip and a nasty note. I didn’t see here in there ever again after that incident, and I’ve been back there several times.

Woken up in a strange place, oblivious as  to how you got there

Oh No Way! What do you think I am? Stupid?

Worn clothing inside out

Oh So Way! Mostly unintentonal but a couple of intentional uses as well.

Broken a mirror

Oh So Way!  I’m so klutzy. No wonder I have the world’s worst luck!

Believed in a conspiracy theory

Sadly, that’s an Oh So Way. I bought into the whole autism/vaccines conspiracy for the longest time. I don’t know how I ever snapped out of that delusion.

Been involved in a riot

Oh No Way! I’m a lover, not a fighter.

Punched someone

Oh No Way! For one, I don’t like confrontation and I don’t like to fight (see above). For two, I’m thin, weak and frail. I wouldn’t stand a chance against anyone. Why do you think I have a concealed carry license? I want to at least have a fighting chance.

Now you guys know stuff about me you didn’t know before. Are you surprised? Are you up to playing along?

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