Song Lyric Sunday 12/9/18 – Jingle “Smells”

OK, this might be the most immature and disgusting Song Lyric Sunday post ever, but I feel it fits perfectly with the theme and if you’re like me and get the holiday blues you need a good laugh. This will give that to you for sure.

So our theme is “boys.” Of course, there are the cliche songs one could go for, but I’m going to get a bit creative. “Boys will be boys” is almost a mantra and a sort of platitude but let’s face it, little boys are just immature and disgusting and one of the things they are absolutely infatuated with for whatever sick reason is what makes up a major part of this song. If you are easily offended, I recommend you click off now because this is about to get disgusting and has some very coarse language.

Anyway, we’re all familiar with the classic holiday song “Jingle Bells” right? Well, this guy takes the tune in a funny yet gross direction. This version, performed by a guy from England named Paul Oldfield, is sure to make you bust a gut laughing and it’s something you would expect out of boys.

So here then is Oldfield’s (better known by his stage name “Mr. Methane”) take on “Jingle Bells” called “Jingle Smells”:

Something seems to (pong?)
The whiff it is quite strong
The cloud above my head
Has risen from the dead

I’m worried about a lump
That’s coming out my stom’ch
All’s not well this turtle said
“I better get out of bed”

Fucking hell, my ass smells
Best keep out of the way
It’s my bum you can hear it hum
From miles and miles away, ohh…

Fucking hell, my ass smells
I hope you’re standing clear
I’ve got some gas coming out my ass
It’s full of Christmas cheer

Dashing to the bog
To drop a yuletide log
Up the stairs I go
Farting all the way

I’ve got a burning ring
My buttocks starts to sting
I’ll take a chance, drop my pants
And let my sphincter sing, ohh..

(“Instrumental” – LMFAO!!!!)

Fucking hell, my ass smells
Best keep out of the way
It’s my bum I can hear it hum
From miles and miles away, ohh…

Fucking hell, my ass smells
I hope you’re standing clear
I’ve got some gas coming out my ass
It’s full of Christmas cheer

I’ve got some gas coming out my ass
I feel a little (queer?), ohh…

Fucking hell, my ass smells
Best keep out of the way
It’s my bum you can hear it hum
From miles and miles away, ohh…

Fucking hell, my ass smells
I hope you’re standing clear
I’ve got some gas coming out my ass
It’s full of Christmas cheer

Ding-a-ling, ding-dong (fucking hell)
Ding-a-ling, ding-dong (my ass smells)

Ding-a-ling, ding-dong (fucking hell)
Ding-a-ling, ding-dong (my ass smells)
Source: Transcribed by me to the best of my ability

OK, if you survived to the end, you might be interested to know Mr. Methane was actually doing the farting himself. It’s not a sound board or anything. He is a professional performing “flatulist” and can indeed fart on command. If you don’t believe me, check out his performance on Britain’s Got Talent.

Well, I hope I gave you a good laugh and see you next week!

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