Dear Bagpipe, FUCK YOU!!!

Has anyone ever punted a bagpipe before? If not, I might be a trendsetter. I just kicked mine 10 feet in the air and about 30 feet out from me. I didn’t know I had such a strong leg and foot! I guess that’s what rage does to you.

So this year, as I usually do, I was to play at a Memorial Day service this morning. OK, done it multiple times before without issue right? Well, as this weekend has not gone according to planned in any way, shape or form why should that have changed now? Well, to add insult to injury, four measures into the tune I suffered a catastrophic reed failure.

When a bagpipe reed fails, it always does so in a big way, suddenly and without warning. That’s the nature of the beast. As most time is spent rehearsing, reed failures usually occur during rehearsals where it’s not that big of a deal. Not this time. I was unlucky enough to experience a reed failure in the middle of a performance. I was left to stand in deafening silence and red faced from both embarrassment and rage.

This has just been the icing on the cake for a weekend that has just fucking sucked all around. For what started out great, it’s been downhill from there ending on a truly shitty note (pun fully intended). I am so mad right now I’m crying.

Well guess who’s not getting invited to play for that service again, or for any more funeral or memorial services hosted by that funeral home? That’s right: me. All it takes is one bad gig to completely ruin it.

I know shit happens, but it is usually not of this magnitude. Of the hundreds (maybe even thousands) of weddings, funerals, birthday parties, services, etc. I have played I have not once experienced a reed failure in a gig, until today.

Yeah, fuck the bagpipes. Just fuck them.


Congratulations to Will Power, winner of the 102nd Running of the Indianapolis 500. It was a great race as it always is.

Sad for Danica Patrick though, who finishes her racing career with a disappointing 30th place finish after wrecking out on lap 68. Really was hoping she’d finish strong.

Song Lyric Sunday 5/27/18 – 88 Lines About 44 Women

First things first, let me apologize if I don’t get around to listening to all of your submissions today. Today is the 102nd Running of the Indianapolis 500 so I’ll be glued to the TV. My apologies!!!

Anyway, I digress. Our theme for Song Lyric Sunday this week is “let go.” Hmmm that could be taken many different directions. However, I heard a hilarious song this week that I had totally forgotten about that can be bent to fit the theme and is absolutely hilarious.

I guess in a way this song is a tale of why he let go of all the aforementioned women. There was something he couldn’t get over. That counts right?

So with that I present to you “88 Lines About 44 Women” by The Nails (written by Marc Campbell). The lyrics are in the video so I’ll not transcribe them here, however be warned that this song has multiple instances of strong profanity and some rather sexual content.

Well hope you all enjoyed! See you next week!

A Good Omen for a Good Weekend

When this is the first song on the radio to start your commute home to kick off the extended weekend…

You know it’s bound to be kickass. Hope everyone enjoys it and tune into ABC Sunday at 10 AM CDT for the 102nd Running of the Indianapolis 500.

Stay safe and fun.

PS: It is also National Wine Day. Hope you’re enjoying some wine. I know I am.

Beer Reviews: The Maharaja and Undead Party Crasher

Now for some beer reviews. We’ve got two killer offerings tonight so let’s jump right in!

The Maharaja 

This American Imperial IPA hails from Avery Brewing Company in Boulder, Colorado. It weighs in at 10% ABV, 102 IBU and Avery is kind enough to provide us the original gravity of 1.090 (21.6 Plato) and a final gravity of 1.012 (3.1 Plato).

Pours a hazy goldenrod color with a lot of foam. Thick off-white head that laces the glass like crazy. Aromas of orange peel, grapefruit, caramel, syrup and alcohol. Flavors consist of a caramel and molasses backbone supporting a wallop of citrusy hop notes following the nose almost exactly – orange zest, grapefruit and a little lemon twang. A hint of a floral note toward the back. A slight hint of a pineapple on the aftertaste ties it all together. Surprisingly not harshly bitter. Thick, syrupy body with low carbonation. Definitely too thick to chug but an easy sipper.

This was a classic Double IPA in every way – smooth, complex but not overly bitter. Even non-IPA drinkers can appreciate this one. Would pair great with either a burger or Asian food. Rating: 4.5/5.

Undead Party Crasher

This offering from Clown Shoes Brewing Company in Ipswich, Massachusetts is an American Imperial Stout weighing in at 10.5% ABV and an unspecified IBU or gravity rating.

Pours jet black as a good imperial stout should. Thin ring of brown head that dissipates somewhat quickly. Big aromas of coffee, dark chocolate, prunes, and caramel. Flavors follow the noes almost exactly – notes of caramel and plum kick things off up front with a substantial sweetness. The middle of the palate is greeted with dark chocolate and a little bit of black licorice zing. The back end finishes off with notes of espresso and a balanced pine hop note. Very warming down the throat but alcohol is fairly well hidden. Thick body with low carbonation, this one drinks way too easy for its heft.

I am a sucker for a good imperial stout (it’s by far my favorite style of beer) and this one delivers. Bold, complex and smooth, pair this one with a Blanco JT Limitado, CO Final Third, Marrero Fuerte or a Padron x000 series or 1926 Series in Maduro. Rating: 4.75/5.

So that’s a wrap for today’s offerings. Have you had either? Let me know what you thought!

Cigar Reviews: CAO Brazilia and Southern Draw Kudzu Oscuro

I’ve got a couple of cigar reviews for you all today, and a couple of rather good ones too, so let’s just jump right in!

CAO Brazilia 

This offering from CAO features a Brazilian Maduro wrapper over Nicaraguan binder and long fillers. The size reviewed here is the “Lambada” which is a 6″ x 50RG Toro vitola.

The first light revealed a perfect draw producing plentiful thick, creamy textured, medium-bodied smoke. Notes of a sweet smooth earth and a light cocoa. Very mild retrohale.

Getting into the first third the earthiness morphs more toward a distinct cashew note while the semi-sweet cocoa is still present. The retrohale is now greeted by a note of rose petals. Body seems to waver between a medium and a medium/full.

The 2nd third brings a hint of a pepper zing into the finish and nose and now the body is solidly up to medium/full. The cocoa morphs more toward a dark chocolate and a dark roast coffee joins the draw. There are no other profile changes other than the smoke getting creamier toward the end. The smoke started going too warm for my taste as 1 hour and 25 minutes for an excellent burn time for the toro size and bringing in a subtle mild/medium nicotine strength.

Flawless construction with a razor sharp burn. Ash holds on solidly for half the stick at a time.

Smooth and complex, this one is sure to satisfy a range of cigar smokers. I loved this one, but wish it had a little more complexity and “oomph” earlier in the stick. Would pair well with a smooth red or a milder Speyside Scotch. Rating: 4.25/5.

Southern Draw Kudzu Oscuro

This offering from Holt/AJ Fernandez features an Ecuadorian Habano Oscuro wrapper over Nicaraguan binder and long fillers. The size reviewed is a 6″ x 52RG box pressed Toro vitola.

The first light revealed a perfect draw producing plentiful thick medium/full bodied smoke. Earthy and peppery out of the gate with a slight sweetness, everything is very smooth and well blended.

The first third grows in complexity bringing in a rich milk chocolate and creamy leather on the draw. The pepper is still present on the retrohale but is slightly less so than the first light. There is also a subtle vanilla note on the finish.

Into the 2nd third the body mellows out slightly to a straight medium as the pepper tapers off and is replaced by a bright, aromatic cedar. The last third comes back up to medium/full and is dominated by a very heavy, dark espresso note on the draw while retaining the cedar and bringing in a hot cinnamon. Ending at 1 hour 15 minutes for a respectable burn time for the size and bringing in a medium nicotine strength.

Excellent construction with a near razor-sharp burn and the ash holding on a third of the stick at a time.

Bold and beautifully complex, this cigar would pair well with an imperial stout, hefty red wine, peaty Scotch or a Jamaican rum. It’s almost omnivorous in its pairing potential and was a real pleaser. Rating: 4.5/5.

There you have it for today! Have you had either of today’s offerings? Let me know what you thought!

Two Years of Blogging

So I woke up to this nice little notification:

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Wow, has it already been two years? How time flies huh?

Anyway, when I started this blog I had little intention of having a small group of loyal friends. I was thinking this would primarily just be a personal diary to catalog tattoo ideas. I think it’s safe to say I got more than what I bargained for: a great group of long-distance friends, meeting a fellow autism spectrumite in person and the list goes on!

For that, I thank all of my followers from the bottom of my heart. It has been such a blessing, but with that I ask you: is there anything you want to see more of? Do you have any suggested content? Be it product reviews, tattoo advice, more half naked pictures (LOL!), what?

Please let me know in the comments, and thanks again for being there. It really does mean a lot.

-Lynn Blair, “The Inked Autist”