Song Lyric Sunday 12/24/17 – The 12 Pains of Christmas

So in an unusual curveball, Helen decided to choose danger as her theme for this week’s Song Lyric Sunday. I was confident it would be holiday themed, but ironically my choice for this week fits BOTH themes (in my opinion anyway).

This song is one of my favorite holiday songs. Christmas (or, as this atheist prefers to call it, Christ-my-ass) can be incredibly painful and dangerous. With that said, here is Bob Rivers’ parody of the classic Christ-my-ass carol “The 12 Days of Christmas” called “The 12 Pains of Christmas” (written by Bob Rivers, Brian Silva and Dennis Amero). The video I chose is in no way an official video, but rather an amateur fan video that’s sure to make you bust a gut laughing!

The first thing at Christmas that’s such a pain to me
Is finding a Christmas tree

The second thing at Christmas that’s such a pain to me
Rigging up the lights
And finding a Christmas tree

The third thing at Christmas that’s such a pain to me
Hangovers
Rigging up the lights
And finding a Christmas tree

The fourth thing at Christmas that’s such a pain to me
Sending Christmas cards
Hangovers
Rigging up the lights
And finding a Christmas tree

The fifth thing at Christmas that’s such a pain to me
Five months of bills
Sending Christmas cards
Hangovers
Rigging up the lights
And finding a Christmas tree

The sixth thing at Christmas that’s such a pain to me
Facing my in-laws
Five months of bills
“I hate those Christmas cards!”
Hangovers
Rigging up these lights
And finding a Christmas tree

The seventh thing at Christmas that’s such a pain to me
Salvation Army
Facing my in-laws
Five months of bills
Sending Christmas cards
“Aw geez”
“I’m trying to rig up these lights!”
And finding a Christmas tree

The eighth thing at Christmas that’s such a pain to me
“I want a transformer for Christmas”
“Charities, and what do you mean your inlaws?”
Five months of bills
“Ah, making out these cards!”
“Edith, get me a beer, huh!”
“What, we have no extension cords?!?”
And finding a Christmas tree

The ninth thing at Christmas that’s such a pain to me
Finding parking spaces
“Daddy, I want some candy!”
“Donations!”
Facing my in-laws
Five months of bills
“Writing up those Christmas cards”
Hangovers
“Now why the hell are they blinking?”
And finding a Christmas tree

The tenth thing at Christmas that’s such a pain to me
Batteries not included
No parking spaces
“Buy me something!”
“Get a job ya bum!”
Facing the inlaws
Five months of bills
“Yo ho, sending Christmas cards”
“Ah geez, look at this!”
“One light goes out, they all go out!”
And finding a Christmas tree

The eleventh thing at Christmas that’s such a pain to me
Stale TV specials
Batteries not included
No parking spaces
“I gotta go to the bathroom”
Charities
“She’s a witch, I hate her!”
Five months of bills
“Oh, I don’t even know half these people!”
“Who’s got the toilet paper?”
“Get a flashlight, I blew a fuse!”
And finding a Christmas tree

The twelfth thing at Christmas that’s such a pain to me
Singing Christmas Carols
Stale TV specials
Batteries not included
No parking
“Waaah!”
Charities
Gotta make ’em dinner
Five months of bills
“I’m not sending them, Mister, that’s it!”
“Shut up, you!”
“Fine, you’re so smart, you rig up the lights!”
And finding a Christmas tree
Source: Google search “The 12 Pains of Christmas Lyrics” (with several corrections made by me).

Anyway, a little bit of a joke pick this week for some levity in an often times difficult time of the year. I know so many people get holiday blues (including me!) so I hope I at least got some of you to laugh a little bit. As mentioned, some of the things in this list I think fit the danger theme so it played right into my hands this week.

Hope you enjoyed.

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4 thoughts on “Song Lyric Sunday 12/24/17 – The 12 Pains of Christmas

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