An Open Letter to My Little Troll

I knew it was bound to happen at some point despite my best attempts at keeping my blog separate and under-the-radar from those who know or knew me IRL and who I wanted nothing to do with ever again: I have someone from my past who I’d rather forget about come across me and is becoming a thorn in my side. I’ve let it go until now (including blacklisting this guy’s email and IP) but apparently he’s desperate to get a response from me so here you go, and I’m sure this isn’t what he had in mind.

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Dear Troll,

You mean to tell me you’ve come back to be a thorn in my side nearly six years since I departed from Idaho State? I thought you were a thing of the past. How you managed to find my blog is beyond me but I will say I’m rather irritated by your comments insulting my intelligence, my tattoos, my political and/or religious beliefs among other things. I might not have approved any of your worthless comments (especially given you using facetious names such as “your ISU buddy” and bullshit like that) but I have made note of every one of them.

I don’t know if you know this, but WordPress logs your email address and IP so I know exactly who you are. I would name you by name on here, but I’m a better person than that, especially since you seem too chickenshit to put your name behind your ridiculous comments. You insult my tattoos as bad; well do you have any yourself? Do you think you could do a better one? Tattoos are art and art is in the eyes of the beholder – what’s ugly to someone might be beautiful and meaningful to another.

You also like to insult my intelligence and mathematical ability as the reasons I failed out at ISU (only to have to finish elsewhere). Little do you know about the personal demons I was battling at the time (which, admittedly, did turn me into a functioning alcoholic as you accused me of being) so I don’t think you have any room to judge. What I was going through is beyond your remotest comprehension. It would have broken you or anyone else, so before you talk put yourself in my shoes to see how you would have handled it. I can guarantee you it wouldn’t have been any different.

Alas, I know you’re all talk and no walk. You can’t even put your name on any of these comments. If you really had a backbone you’d put your name on these and then maybe I would have approved your stupid little comments so perhaps others would see what a petty little cuntbucket you are. You think you’re all that; you ain’t shit.

If you really think you’re something, why don’t you come over here to Dallas (or Abilene, either one as I’m in both places regularly) and say all this shit straight to my face? Oh, are you too fucking chickenshit to do that? Are you afraid I might kick your scrawny little Nepalese ass to the moon and back? Well you should be; I’m twice your size and I’d make minced meat out of you in nothing flat and you know it.

Nonetheless, let this serve as a fair warning – if you continue to harass me I will consult an attorney and explore my options as to what legal action I can take against you, be it criminal or civil proceedings or both. You think you’re so smart and so clever, but I have your email and IP and I know who you are. I can absolutely prove your identity to the authorities. I will have your ass served up on a silver platter, so I suggest you cut this bullshit out.

I’m sure you’ve made a decent life for yourself post grad school, and so have I. Let’s continue going our separate ways and just forget about each other as we had done for the past nearly six years. It’ll be easier for both of us if you comply with this request.

Sincerely Yours,
He who actually speaks decent English.

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