To Go or Not to Go?

So the end of my first week at my new office in Kaufman came to a close yesterday. I’ve not officially moved yet – I lived in a hotel all week last week, which wasn’t so bad as I was going to go up there Tuesday for the concert anyway so working the week there would have been more convenient for me.

Nonetheless, I felt absolutely horrible all week last week. Days just drug by in the office and the building itself is rather crowded so I have almost no privacy. My office doesn’t have a window and there are doors to both the conference room and the hallway. Above all, I was away from friends and family (who all live in Abilene) and I missed them all terribly.

I know transfers are part of corporate life (yet another reason I have no desire to be a corporate slave for my whole life) but what bugs me the most is this transfer wasn’t one of necessity or even a point of the reorganization. It was about the convenience of upper-level management. They got sick of driving out to Abilene for periodic visits (note: you can fly to Abilene but it’s ridiculously expensive being a regional airport) so in their mind they were being mildly inconvenienced so they just chose to majorly inconvenience the rest of us by transferring us to DFW to be closer to the airport. Of course, in the world of corporate sharks the upper level management always gets their way and the slaves (let’s face it – those of us who work at the bottom level of corporate America are just that) get fucked up the ass. That’s just how it works.

So given being away from home AND the fact they could have just as easily left us in Abilene but decided to move the crawler crane operations (that’s what our division is) office just so they wouldn’t have to drive out from time to time (which I don’t get because in this business upper level management has to travel everywhere anyway) just leaves a really bad taste in my mouth. Now I know why from the time I started working for this company, I’m the last one left. All the other employees that were there from the time I started have either been terminated or quit and I don’t blame any of the ones who quit and the ones who were terminated were probably done a favor.

Luckily I’ll still be hotel-ing it for a couple of more weeks before I sign on the dotted line for a place to live up there but if I keep getting a bad feeling about it one Friday at the end of the day I’m going up to the HR office, turning in my company cell and CC and calling it quits.

Such probably would not be the end of the world as I’m sure I could still make a case for unemployment benefits given that transferring just really doesn’t seem to be an option right now and if the choice becomes transfer or leave then leaving is the only real option.

I don’t know. I just don’t know. I used to be proud to work for the company but not really anymore. As the corruption in upper-level management has started to really take its toll (which happened quickly as they became more directly involved when branch/division managers were all fired off; and I imagine for made-up bullshit reasons) and workplace morale is at an all-time low. Nobody really wants to be there. Who knows, maybe we should all just mass resign on the same day as a big “fuck you!” sentiment.

Yeah well, I know that wouldn’t happen. At the very least our technologically illiterate redneck logistics/transportation coordinator would stay because he’s work for the director of crawler operations in the past and they’re pretty much joined at the fucking hip. Everyone else I don’t know for sure where exactly their loyalties lie but I can assure you I trust all of them about as far as I can throw them.

I don’t know, I just see this whole thing as a no-win situation no matter what I choose. It’s a matter of which is less of a loss. I go back up there Monday morning to stay another week but if this week sucks as badly as last week then it’s probably time for me to go.

As I’ve said from the get-go, corporate life just isn’t for me. It’s probably a totally toxic environment for people on the autism spectrum. I know it drains my soul and depresses me. My coworkers are all highly extraverted and neurotypical and don’t really know how to deal with me. A noisy corporate office is just the opposite of what people like me need to function. I just can’t do it.

As my vision for what I really want to do comes forth, the stronger my desire is to embark on this journey. Again, I imagine I’m still a couple of years out but having something tolerable in the meantime is going to be critical. Should I maybe renew my teaching credentials and go back to teaching for a couple of years? At the very least I was less miserable doing that than I am being a corporate slave.

I don’t know yet. I just feel things kind of crashing down in front of me right now. This world sucks and this life sucks, and it seems most people don’t realize how badly this world and their lives really do suck. This bullshit just reinforces why I have chosen to never have children

“Each one of us was harmed by being brought into existence. That harm is not negligible, because the quality of even the best lives is very bad – and considerably worse than most people recognize it to be.” – Prof. David Benatar; Better Never to Have Been: The Harm of Coming into Existence.


6 thoughts on “To Go or Not to Go?

  1. Ah, corporate a$$ fuckery. It does not matter what size, industry, or location; they are all rotten at the core. Management at such doesn’t feel any better than the bottom. Really, what you have is a boss that still doesn’t listen to you until his or her wallet hurts too much to ignore you. On top of that, you have a bunch of employees that hate you and purposely do shit wrong to get a golden phone shot of your irritation to meme and laugh at with all their friends. On top of that, no day is sacred from a ‘could you do such and such’ phone call.
    Every day, week, and month of my life is a struggle for survival. I make hay when the sun shines and work on myself when it rains. I accept this because I am no evil entity’s bitch. It’s not easy, but it’s liberating.
    All the best for you, either way you choose!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Have you looked into housing, entertainment, whatever in the new area? Does it offer opportunities to do things or meet people that you might like? Corporations are gonna suck your soul no matter what. Moving can be awful or an opportunity. It depends on where you’re going. Would this move help you with your future plans? I don’t envy you this decision. Good luck!🍀


    • I’ve looked at everything and whereas I would have my hangouts and would be closer to places like AA Center (where the TFF and H&O concert was held) overall not much else. I have pretty much no friends up that way. I’d be going into it totally alone.

      As far as what would help with my future plans, I don’t think it really would. Not even a place like Dallas is progressive and open-minded enough to support my business concept. It will require me moving away from Abilene eventually but Dallas isn’t the place to support such a business.

      It’s a tough decision for sure.


      • It’s too bad California is so expensive. I think your business would do well here. Some people can be jerks for sure but “weirdness” is everywhere. Your short shorts would probably only get a mild eyebrow raise😄
        Sometimes when I have a decision I’m spinning on I’ll tell myself to dream about it. It works more often than not.


      • That and you all have an insane tobacco and alcohol tax. I’d probably pay double for my cigars and booze there what I pay here, and Texas is actually pretty bad in that department too!


      • Yeah, the tobacco tax just went up. I don’t know about the alcohol tax. Can’t be too bad with all the breweries.
        But, yeah, EVERYTHING is expensive here. They call it the “sunshine tax” like having nice weather is an excuse to charge out the ass for everything. Still I’d rather live here than a lot of other states I’ve visited. I don’t tolerate bigotry & idiots well😕


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