So the end of my first week at my new office in Kaufman came to a close yesterday. I’ve not officially moved yet – I lived in a hotel all week last week, which wasn’t so bad as I was going to go up there Tuesday for the concert anyway so working the week there would have been more convenient for me.
Nonetheless, I felt absolutely horrible all week last week. Days just drug by in the office and the building itself is rather crowded so I have almost no privacy. My office doesn’t have a window and there are doors to both the conference room and the hallway. Above all, I was away from friends and family (who all live in Abilene) and I missed them all terribly.
I know transfers are part of corporate life (yet another reason I have no desire to be a corporate slave for my whole life) but what bugs me the most is this transfer wasn’t one of necessity or even a point of the reorganization. It was about the convenience of upper-level management. They got sick of driving out to Abilene for periodic visits (note: you can fly to Abilene but it’s ridiculously expensive being a regional airport) so in their mind they were being mildly inconvenienced so they just chose to majorly inconvenience the rest of us by transferring us to DFW to be closer to the airport. Of course, in the world of corporate sharks the upper level management always gets their way and the slaves (let’s face it – those of us who work at the bottom level of corporate America are just that) get fucked up the ass. That’s just how it works.
So given being away from home AND the fact they could have just as easily left us in Abilene but decided to move the crawler crane operations (that’s what our division is) office just so they wouldn’t have to drive out from time to time (which I don’t get because in this business upper level management has to travel everywhere anyway) just leaves a really bad taste in my mouth. Now I know why from the time I started working for this company, I’m the last one left. All the other employees that were there from the time I started have either been terminated or quit and I don’t blame any of the ones who quit and the ones who were terminated were probably done a favor.
Luckily I’ll still be hotel-ing it for a couple of more weeks before I sign on the dotted line for a place to live up there but if I keep getting a bad feeling about it one Friday at the end of the day I’m going up to the HR office, turning in my company cell and CC and calling it quits.
Such probably would not be the end of the world as I’m sure I could still make a case for unemployment benefits given that transferring just really doesn’t seem to be an option right now and if the choice becomes transfer or leave then leaving is the only real option.
I don’t know. I just don’t know. I used to be proud to work for the company but not really anymore. As the corruption in upper-level management has started to really take its toll (which happened quickly as they became more directly involved when branch/division managers were all fired off; and I imagine for made-up bullshit reasons) and workplace morale is at an all-time low. Nobody really wants to be there. Who knows, maybe we should all just mass resign on the same day as a big “fuck you!” sentiment.
Yeah well, I know that wouldn’t happen. At the very least our technologically illiterate redneck logistics/transportation coordinator would stay because he’s work for the director of crawler operations in the past and they’re pretty much joined at the fucking hip. Everyone else I don’t know for sure where exactly their loyalties lie but I can assure you I trust all of them about as far as I can throw them.
I don’t know, I just see this whole thing as a no-win situation no matter what I choose. It’s a matter of which is less of a loss. I go back up there Monday morning to stay another week but if this week sucks as badly as last week then it’s probably time for me to go.
As I’ve said from the get-go, corporate life just isn’t for me. It’s probably a totally toxic environment for people on the autism spectrum. I know it drains my soul and depresses me. My coworkers are all highly extraverted and neurotypical and don’t really know how to deal with me. A noisy corporate office is just the opposite of what people like me need to function. I just can’t do it.
As my vision for what I really want to do comes forth, the stronger my desire is to embark on this journey. Again, I imagine I’m still a couple of years out but having something tolerable in the meantime is going to be critical. Should I maybe renew my teaching credentials and go back to teaching for a couple of years? At the very least I was less miserable doing that than I am being a corporate slave.
I don’t know yet. I just feel things kind of crashing down in front of me right now. This world sucks and this life sucks, and it seems most people don’t realize how badly this world and their lives really do suck. This bullshit just reinforces why I have chosen to never have children
“Each one of us was harmed by being brought into existence. That harm is not negligible, because the quality of even the best lives is very bad – and considerably worse than most people recognize it to be.” – Prof. David Benatar; Better Never to Have Been: The Harm of Coming into Existence.