I was always a huge fan of the TV sitcom Frasier (as well as its predecessor Cheers). Honestly, I can’t help but wonder if Dr. Frasier Crane is borderline high-functioning autistic because I see a lot of myself in him (appreciation for fine arts, beverages, philosophy, somewhat introverted and pretentious, etc.). Whatever the case, I always got a kick out of the show and was sad when it ended.
Anyway, when I’m bored I’ll often watch reruns of the show to pass the time and I just watched the episode titled “Sliding Frasiers” that got the wheels turning in my brain and inspired this post. Basically in this episode Frasier is going to speed dating and can’t decide whether to go formal (suit) or casual (sweater). Well, the show depicts the events of both choices and while they seemingly diverge in the middle of the episode, at the end they start to converge back to the same ending point and by the end of the episode they were totally convergent realities.
So how the hell did an episode of a sitcom inspire a blog post? Well, every now and then some external force inspires me to think deeply “what if.” What if I my autism had flown under the radar and I got my first class aviation medical certificate and started flight school? Then when I graduated I progressed onto flying regional jets and eventually the big jets? Where would my life be right now at age 30 had I taken the path I longed to take more than any other? By this point I would have the flight time accumulated that I’d probably either be a senior Captain for a regional airline ready to move up to the major parent company if not a junior First Officer at the major parent company. I’d be knee-deep in my dream career, life would be great wouldn’t it?
Oh hell, who the fuck am I kidding? As I watched the conclusion of that episode it dawned on me that I’d be just as miserable as I am now. I’d be stuck working for/under someone, taking orders from someone, being told when to work and what to wear to work. I’d probably still want to fucking kill myself. The reality is that airline life isn’t glamorous. It’s high-stress, fast-moving and you’re never home. That’s just reality. If I was an airline pilot today I’d likely hate my job just as much as I hated working for a fucking crane company. I’d still be a beaten, demoralized dog looking to transcend my day job.
And that’s where two totally different realities of my life would be coming back together. Whereas my life would have split off in my teenage years and about 6 or 7 years ago my live path would be at the apex of different, as time progressed further the two alternate roads I took on this journey called life started coming back together and now they’re almost to the point of merging again. I’d say we’re within 10 miles or so of the alternate Lynn meeting up with the real Lynn, becoming one and the same and moving forward as one unit, and I imagine my end business venture would either be the same or close to it. Of course, there would be some small differences (most notably I’d probably not have tattoos or piercings) but those are just academic in the grand scheme of things.
Now, this is obviously all conjecture. I can’t say for 100% certainty how things would have wound up and I imagine I could never give up flying for recreation, but at the end of the day I probably wouldn’t have lasted forever. That’s just reality. I’m too free-spirited, too defiant and dare I say too much of a fucking weirdo to be content working for or under someone. I just can’t do it. I’d go insane.
Maybe this is the breakthrough I’ve been needing to finally process this demon and lay it to rest. I will always have a shadow of it in my life as at least I’d still be able to fly privately after leaving behind an airline career. So whereas the pain reflecting on what could have been just a few minutes before this post was off the charts, maybe now it’s about a 4 or 5 and I imagine as I continue to bring the concepts of my business together to the point of launching it that pain will continue to dwindle. It’s probably a lot like grief – you never get over the pain. It just gets easier to deal with.
Well this has probably gone on long enough. Just felt inspired I guess. Here’s hoping this is the key breakthrough I’ve been waiting for for decades and can finally start the road to recovery. In a way I feel like an addict just passing the withdrawal stage and now onto the mending stage of life putting the pieces back together. I guess it just takes some longer than others.