Why I Will Never Date Again

So I was just having this conversation with a friend of mine. We were talking about past relationships and such and I mentioned that I haven’t been on a single date in going on three years and that I will never go on another one (with the exception of simple “friend” dates). Now that seems a bit extreme but it’s quite simple really.

I’m a math guy (my degrees are in math and in my shitty day job I’m a crane lift plan engineer) so I approach everything analytically and from a math perspective. Over half of all marriages end in divorce and there’s no telling how many non-marital relationships never even make it to marriage before breaking down (I’d estimate greater than 90%). As such, the odds are drastically skewed toward the fact that whatever relationship one finds him/herself in will end in a parting of ways (translation: heartbreak). That’s not even considering those few relationships which do last until the death of one or the other party; and there’s about a 50/50 chance your partner will expire before you (translation: heartbreak).

In other words, the risk of heartbreak drastically outweighs the potential reward and therefore from a purely mathematical perspective you are better off not entering into a relationship. After all, the only way to absolutely guarantee you will never get your heart broken is to never love.

This is why I will never date again. It’s that simple, and I should not be stigmatized for my decision despite the fact that society stigmatizes single people. How does me being single affect your life? None at all, right? Then why the fuck do you even care?


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