That, my friends, is the question.
I haven’t discussed much of my relationship history here because it’s really neither here nor there, but it is something that I do occasionally struggle with in my daily life.
I’m almost 30 years old and I’ve still never been marred (thus exceeding the average first marriage age which is 28 for males). Also, I have only had three romantic relationships in my life and none of them have lasted more than about six months. The first couple we just had internal problems that we couldn’t reconcile but my most recent one really, really hurt. We had some minor other issues that led to us separating at the time but the biggest issue? She decided she wants children whereas I do not, so whereas we’d be otherwise great for each other now (we’re still like best friends) the kid issue means we are not compatible for a romantic relationship or marriage.
Most of the time I’m perfectly content being single. I will say it is easier. I’m not tied down by a mate and am generally free to do what I want on my own time without a care in the world. I also don’t have to ask permission for a new tattoo/piercing or any other major purchase decisions. Sometimes though, I have to admit, some companionship would be nice.
Alas, finding a mate is damn near impossible for those of us on the autism spectrum. Yes, some of us do wind up finding a mate, but most of us still go our entire lives without one. It’s no small wonder: a mate of ours has to have a heightened sense of empathy for what we deal with and has to know how to deal with us. Beyond that, I have oddities that make me a unique individual. I’m in general a very independent person and my affinity for clothing considered unattractive by many (most notably short shorts) and I’m not the most attractive person anyway. These issues obviously compound the problems of autism and my no kid policy. Roll them into one and you realize just how small my dating pool is (or if I even have one to begin with).
Honestly, I was never bothered by it until very recently, and I chalk it up to my social circle dwindling away. I have only one person I really ever hang out with and do stuff with locally and getting our schedules to match up is often times a chore. As such, when I go do stuff I usually do so alone. I sit at home alone for hours also and although an introvert, I do long for a little socialization. Of course, a mate would definitely fill that void.
Whatever the case, I’m feeling kind of sad about it now, but then later I’ll feel glad. I don’t know what to make of it. I figure if someone comes along and takes an interest in me then fine, but I’m not going to actively seek someone out. It’s just too much stress, too much work and it’s expensive (men are still expected to pay for dates after all).
Whatever. I guess I’ll carry on with my single self and make it through.