Surviving Bullying (Trigger Warning)

Well, first off just so my readers know, nothing too serious came of the incident on Monday so we’re good there. I still have a job and whatever so no worries whatsoever.

With that out of the way, I am about to write a post that brings back some very painful memories for me, and it was triggered by some insensitive asshole on the Facebook page of a local news station that enraged me. Just warning you, there WILL be some rather coarse language coming up, just in case you are offended by that kind of thing.

So on the news page I was reading about a mother suing school administrators because her son was bullied into committing suicide and the administrators did nothing to stop the bullying. Well, first off let me just say the fact that our school admins don’t do a god-fucking-damn thing about bullies pisses me the fuck off. They let it go on undeterred causing a vast amount of both physical and emotional pain and that shit just doesn’t go away. At any rate, I hope the mother gets some sort of justice out of this travesty. IMO the administrators and bullies should be criminally charged as well.

Anyway, as if I wasn’t already pissed off enough about it, some insensitive stupid-ass cocksucking motherfucker just had to leave a smart remark. He said something to along the lines of “I’m sorry but we raise our kids to be above the hate. Words don’t hurt.”

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!?!?!? Words don’t hurt? Ah, the old “sticks and stones” bullshit. I hate that saying. Actually, I think I’m going to fix that saying into something true. How about this, jackass: “Sticks and stones might break my bones but eventually my bones will heal, but the hateful words you say today the pain from them I will forever feel.” Yeah, that’s more like it.

As the bullied kid, I can guaran-fucking-tee you that those words hurt then and they still hurt, and I’m 11 god-fucking-damn years out of high school. I remember how they called me tubby, nerd, geek, pulled pranks on me, took advantage of my social ineptitude and just had to make loud, dramatic throat clearing sounds as they passed me in the hallway just to make fun of me (I have allergy-induced postnasal drip and I have to clear my throat quite often). It still get pissed off and hurt thinking about it. Actually I’m starting to cry as I type this but for the sake of standing up for justice I’m continuing on despite the pain it is causing me right now.

No, I don’t have anything to do with the assholes from high school. I won’t even talk to them or acknowledge their existence because of the memories it brings back. I won’t add them as Facebook friends. If anything, if I see any of those chickenshit motherfuckers ever again I might just shower those assholes with bullets. Yeah, that’s how emotionally scarred I am from what I endured as a kid and teenager.

When you hear something often enough you start to believe it. It’s how religious cults manage to brainwash children after all, and once that brainwashing starts to take effect it’s really fucking hard to break that line of thinking. Thanks to the assholes in school I spent the vast majority of my adult life thinking I was a worthless fucking piece of shit who served no purpose and was a mistake and a freak of nature. Their words ultimately drove me to substance abuse, self-injury and multiple suicide attempts. It was their words that contributed a significant part to the breakdown of my last romantic relationship. It wasn’t until about this time last year that I started realizing that their words were the biggest lies I’d ever been told in my life and I was able to finally start putting the pieces of my broken life back together and getting my shit in order. That semicolon on my right wrist isn’t just a punctuation mark. It makes the invisible scars I have visible to everyone else. It tells my painful story. It speaks to what I’ve been through.

I still have the pain from these invisible scars and will carry it with me for the rest of my life. It will never go away, but it gets better in time. However, no matter what happened to me or anyone else, don’t you think for one god-fucking-damn second that words can never or will never hurt someone. If you think that you’re probably a fucking psychopath incapable of any sort of real human emotion anyway and should probably refrain from taking verbal shits whenever possible.

Alright, forgive me dear readers but I just had to get this out of my system. If you read this whole thing (and excused the approximately 30 instances of profanity throughout this post) thank you. Reblog the shit out of it. Let people know this isn’t okay and what bullying can do. And if you are/were a school bully and are to this day unrepentant of your actions, all I have to say to you is fuck  you up the ass with a 29-and-a-half foot pole.

End rant.

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