Autism Crushed My Dreams

I’m about to get very personal here. If you don’t want to listen to my personal venting or ranting, please stop reading now. If you are a delusional Pollyanna neurodiversity asshole, please stop reading now. If you continue reading and are offended by what follows, I assume no responsibility. You have been duly warned.

I’ll just say it: Autism CRUSHED my dreams. It took a sledgehammer to them, beat them up into little tiny bite-sized pieces, gave them back to me and continues to rub metaphorical salt into the deep emotional wounds. It will continue doing so until the day I die. I’ve tried counseling and drug therapy, but they never helped. I have been unable to get over having my dreams stolen from me.

Ever since I can remember, I dreamed of being an airline pilot. I know most kids have multiple dreams, but I never did. There was nothing else I ever wanted to be, and you know what? I’m more than capable of flying an airplane. I know my way around the cockpits of vritually every airliner you can name. I have actually sat at the controls of an airplane multiple times without incident. I am a more than capable pilot and if anything, my attention to detail and routine-based lifestyle I would absolutely excel in that career. I’m practically a human autopilot.

Alas, that isn’t going to happen? You know why? The FAA bars anyone with any sort of mental health condition or personality disorder from holding a medical certificate. Thanks to being autistic (and some people seem to think this runs concurrently with antisocial personality disorder) I am ineligible to be a professional aviator.

I’m sorry, but this is not science. It’s fucking stupidity is what it is. For the FAA to just bin all of us as incapable of safely operating an airplane is fucking bullshit at best. Now, if the FAA wants to require additional training or evaluation for those with ASD or some other disorder, then fine. I don’t give a rat’s ass. I have no doubt I would show that I am more than safe to fly and would demonstrate my awesome flying skills in such a setting.

To add insult to injury I have a family member living my dream and saying how great it is. I’m very happy for this person, but man it’s like rubbing salt into the fucking wound. It fucking tears me apart emotionally knowing this all while being stuck in a less-than-fulfilling career that I (again, time for some blunt honesty) fucking HATE. Of course, I have accepted that no matter what job I work I will not feel fulfilled because I’m not living my personal dream, but yeah it makes life suck far beyond what you will ever imagine.

You all know what else? I am NOT the only one. So many, many people have had their dreams shattered due to mental illness. I am merely one of many. My story is not unique, and don’t you dare play the whole “well God has a bigger plan for you” bullshit either. As if your asshole of a God having a plan contrary to my desires for my life is going to make me feel any fucking better about the ordeal.

So for those of you neurodiversity idiots who believe love will conquer all, I’m sorry but you are sadly mistaken. No amount of love will EVER get me into the captain’s seat. No amount of “I accept you as you are” will EVER allow me to live my dream. You people just sit on your delusionally happy asses and do fucking NOTHING to make our lives better. You don’t advocate for change. You don’t advocate for acceptance. You advocate for your own selfish fucking desires and to try to assuage your guilt for bringing an autistic (read also: bipolar, sociopathic, schizophrenic, depressed, etc. etc. etc.) individual into the world.

All of you need to get off your happy little asses and fight for change and to end the stigma of mental illness.  Until you do that, our lives will never get better and in an indirect way, YOU are responsible for crushing our dreams. Just because you “love” and “accept” us the way we are does NOT mean society as a whole does.

Inked Autist out. *Drops mic.*

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2 thoughts on “Autism Crushed My Dreams

  1. Amen!! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼. I do support neurodiversity BUT I’m not under the delusion that love will conquer all. I staunchly advocate the removal of autism from the DSM altogether, as it is NOT a mental illness or psychiatric condition. You should have EVERY right to follow your dream and not have it crushed by the establishment. That’s the good side of the ND position; that we’re not defective and that we SHOULD be allowed to do that which we love, especially when there’s ZERO evidence (that I’m aware of, so far) that indicates that we’d be of any kind of risk to anyone else. The FAA’s rules are extremely misinformed.

    I fear that I could end up in a similar situation; I don’t know if my state-issued professional license would be revoked if my Asperger’s status was known, but it’s certainly a possibility, and I walk on eggshells daily, always looking over my shoulder. I want to “come out” but I’m not at all sure that I can, without potential serious consequences. Our status probably makes us BETTER at what we do, but the rest of the world doesn’t (yet) see it that way, especially here in the US. That sucks (very much) that you got blackballed. Ugh. I ache for you, I really do.

    I work behind the scenes, where I can, to promote the ND paradigm that specifically says that we’re not defective and that we’re not unstable and our brain wiring is different, not less, and thus should be removed from a manual of mental disorders. It has no place there at all!!

    I wish you all the very best and just know that I’m working like hell to “enlighten” my colleagues (I’m in the medical profession) and I’m trying to actively do my part to get the attitudes turned around, ASAP. I’m trying, I promise! ❤️❤️

    Like

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