Song Lyric Sunday 9/16/18 – Watch Me Bleed

“Glass” – a rather unorthodox theme for our weekly Song Lyric Sunday challenge. Of course, my default choice would have been the song I chose for the “goodbye/farewell” theme, namely “The Parting Glass” so I decided to get a little metaphorical.

I don’t know about you, but I’ve never bled quite as much as I have when I cut myself on a shard of broken glass. Lately it seems my soul has been bleeding like a cut from a shard of broken glass; I just can’t catch a break. Of course, it also doesn’t help that I’m still seeping blood and excess ink from two fresh tattoos that I got yesterday so my thoughts were almost directed toward bleeding.

So with my soul being cut my a shard of metaphorical glass and bleeding, I’m choosing this song. Here then is “Watch Me Bleed” – a 1983 song off of the album The Hurting, the breakout album by a certain duo hailing from Bath, England that you should come to expect to find here and written by some dude whose initials are RO.
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Yeah, them again. Sorry, I know you must be tired of them by now.


Heaven comes to he who waits
But I know I’m getting nowhere
And all the deeds of yesterday
Have really helped to pave my way
Though there’s no one near me now
How come everyone can touch me
You see the torture on my brow
Relates to neither here nor now

Watch me bleed, bleed forever
Watch me bleed, bleed forever
Although my face is straight, it lies
My body feels the pain and cries

Here the table is not bare
I am full but feeling empty
For all the warmth it feels so cold
For one so young I feel so old

Watch me bleed, bleed forever
Watch me bleed, bleed forever
It’s not allowed to be unkind
But still the hate lives in my mind

I’ll make no noise, I’ll hide my pain
I’ll close my eyes, I won’t complain
I’ll lie right back and take the blame
And try to tell myself I’m living
And when it’s all been said or done
Where do I go? Where do I run?
What’s left of me or anyone
When we’ve denied the hurting?

And when it’s all been said or done
Where do I go? Where do I run?
What’s left of me or anyone
When we’ve denied the hurting?

Watch me bleed, bleed forever
Watch me bleed, bleed forever
And all the deeds of yesterday
Have really helped to pave my way

Watch me bleed, bleed forever
Watch me bleed, bleed forever
And all the deeds of yesterday
Have really helped to pave my way
Source: https://genius.com/Tears-for-fears-watch-me-bleed-lyrics

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New Ink: Race Day Double Header!!!

I have been dying for some new ink lately. It’s been entirely too long – almost 6 months. I longed to feel the sweet sting and the rush that goes with it.

Well, I got a little more than what I bargained for today – not only one, but TWO new tattoos in one sitting. It took some mental focus to get through it but at the end of the day I came out with a matched set of tattoos that show my love of racing – one NASCAR Monster Energy Cup Series stock car and one Verizon IndyCar Series open wheel car – each dedicated to my favorite drivers in their respective series – Martin Truex Jr. and James Hinchcliffe.

This was the first time I’ve ever done two tattoos in one day. I must say Jade was a real trouper too, staying focused to the very end. I can’t imagine how hard it was on her too. Needless to say she got a very generous tip.

What will I get next? Who knows, but you know I’m already bouncing ideas in my head. It’s a never ending cycle.

And Now for Some More Awesome “Meggings”

Well this story just got more interesting!

As a quick follow-up to my previous post in which I went total space cadet, Benjamin (one of the founders of Kapow) left me a comment offering me my own personal coupon code to try some of their stuff. Am I going to say no to that? No way. Some people might consider it pushy, and to be honest I thought it was a total joke (like really?) but I punched it in their website and it took! I was shocked.

OK, well, if you’re going to do this I’m gonna look like a bit of an ass if I don’t take advantage of it, plus there was a particular pair on their site I was dying to try, so I got it and one other pair to mix up what I already had. Here’s what I made out with:

Screen Shot 2018-09-12 at 5.53.01 AM

Note that for security purposes I blanked out the code because I don’t want anyone who it was not intended for to use it (unless, of course, the company does give me permission to offer it to my followers – I’m trying not to step on any toes here). Anyway, the electroshock is just plain cool and The Highlanders? Well, let’s just say those will be perfect for those cold weather bagpipe gigs as they match my kilt, not to mention they’re just plain awesome.

Who ever knew I would actually get paid to blog? Well, this isn’t exactly getting paid, but the savings are like I was anyway right? Thanks Benjamin! I really do appreciate it.

So what say my readers? Think I’ve got a good line-up now?

In Which I Go TOTAL Space Cadet…

With fall arriving soon, of course the temperatures start to cool off. Well, relatively speaking anyway – it’s still topping out around 85F/29C here in West Texas, so still plenty warm to rock my ever-infamous and oh-so passe “Davy” Dukes (check out my “how-to” guide if my fellow dudes ever get the inclination to experiment with something other than those ridiculous cargo “shorts”) completely bare-legged (as in my profile picture). Of course, there are plenty of warm-ish days even in the depths of winter here that I can still shout and let it all out, but there are those days where even hot-blooded me can’t take it.

Alas, I’m sick and tired of being plain and boring. If it is one part of my appearance I do take pride in it’s my legs – I consider them my best physical feature. Maybe a little odd for a guy to claim that, but whatever. That and I just love the feeling of having “nothing” on them – it’s probably a sensory processing thing related to my autism.

So to try something totally new out, last April when I went to NASCAR at Texas Motor Speedway (in which it was absolutely frigid – unseasonably cold) I decided to try leggings underneath my signature DD’s. Nothing outrageous just to try it out – just cheap, plain, black leggings. I absolutely LOVED it. I was warm but still had a degree of freedom that you just can’t get with jeans or other long pants.

So this winter I’m gonna step it up a notch. Let’s face it -plain black is boring. With all the fun patterns of leggings, why not just go all out? Alas, finding some leggings that were so me was a challenge, and without breaking the bank. Not to mention, not many companies actually make men’s leggings, but two companies are notable for it – Kapow (which exclusively does men’s leggings) and Lotus (which does both). Alas, neither company is cheap by any stretch of the imagination, so I was waiting for a coupon code or something to pounce, and Lotus is offering a code “1HOUR” right now, applicable to both men’s and women’s styles so I decided to jump over it.

And I went total space cadet!

leggings

I’ve always loved space-themed stuff so I figured these would be right up my alley. As for size I’m going into it blind but I just kind of guessed based on their size charts. I’m somewhere between a 34 and 36 so if I split the difference that should work, but if not I can always exchange for the next size up if need be (I highly doubt I’ll need to exchange for a size down). Further, being men’s leggings specifically (note the male models!) they should be a bit roomier in the places where they need to be so I think I should be just fine.

As an extra nice little touch, the company actually took the time to give my little thank-you note a “thumbs up” on the old FB:

Screen Shot 2018-09-11 at 7.56.28 PM

Of course, I’ll report back when I actually receive them and try them, but for now, let’s just say I’m excited to try something totally new. You only live once, and life is mostly misery punctuated by short bouts of fun, so might as well do something wild and crazy when you can right?

Yeah, I’m a total space cadet, hence these leggings I think are a perfect match for my soul.

Would any of my fellow guy bloggers ever rock leggings? If you have, what did you think? 

Song Lyric Sunday 9/9/18 – Do You Believe in Love

Pictures/photograph. What a tough Song Lyric Sunday topic for me. Of course, my first choice has already been featured on SLS so I didn’t want to re-use it (it contains the lyric “the face you wore was cool/you were a photograph” – I of course refer to “Change” by TFF) so I had to grasp at some straws.

This was the 2nd song that came to mind – a song I don’t even really like all that much, but it’s one they play on the classic rock station here all the time so I have to listen to it almost every morning on the way to work. As for why I’m not a huge fan? I actually do NOT believe in love. Call me a cynic if you will, but love is not something I actually believe in the existence of. Maybe because it’s not something I personally am capable of feeling, but this song at the very least has the lyric “I used to have you in a photograph” so it’ll have to do this week.

So I guess, very reluctantly, I submit “Do You Believe in Love” by Huey Lewis and The News (written by Robert John Lange). Though I don’t like the song personally, maybe someone else out there will…

I was walking
Down a one-way street
Just a-looking
For someone to meet
One woman
Who was looking for a man

Now I’m hoping (hoping)
That the feeling is right
And I’m wondering (wondering)
If you’ll stay for the night
So I’m coming
(I don’t wanna be lonely)
(Baby, please tell me)
I wanna love you all over

Do you believe in love
Do you believe it’s true
Do you believe in love
Oh, you’re making me believe it, too

Now the feeling
Is beginning to grow
And the meaning
Is something you only know
If you believe it
Take my hand
And I’ll take your heart, come on

Now I wonder (wonder)
Where does true love begin
I’m going under (under)
So I’m lettin’ you in
My woman
(I don’t wanna be lonely)
(Baby, please tell me)
I wanna love you all over

Do you believe in love
Do you believe it’s true
Do you believe in love
Oh, you’re making me believe it, too

I used to have you in a photograph
I’m so glad it’s changed
But now I’ve got you and it’s gonna last
Do you believe in love

Do you believe in love
Do you believe it’s true
(I’m so glad, I’m so glad)
Do you believe in love
Oh, you’re making me believe it, too

Do you believe in love
Do you believe it’s true
Do you believe in love
I believe in love, too
Source: https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/hueylewisthenews/doyoubelieveinlove.html

Bleh. I ultra-mega failed this week. Of all my SLS failures, which have been many, this one takes the fucking cake. Excuse me while I go slink off into the distance and cry about my failure. Take your stupid “participation trophy” and shove it. Alas, after the shitty ass week I’ve had, why am I not surprised the trend continues?

Maybe I’ll do better next week. Hell, maybe next week will be better. It’s just been awful all around.

And Thus It Starts…

Here it is, folks – the beginning of the end of my career in the crane world. It’s only a matter of time now.

Thursday was a particularly bad day – the worst day I’ve ever had in my 3 years and change in the industry. I had it coming at me from all directions – internally, the overly pushy Odessa branch manager who thinks I should just drop what I’m working on to cater to his every need (sorry, doesn’t work that way), to the business development director being all up my ass for a major project (who I think is probably more important than aforementioned branch manager) and then the P.E. and head draftsman pressing me for some CAD models (and if anything that gets priority, not the piddly shit our other lift planners can handle – I’m one of only two people in the company other than the P.E. with AutoCAD and/or Inventor proficiency).

Combine all of the above with a failing computer (my work computer has been fucking up something fierce lately) and that was a recipe for disaster. It was a recipe for a full-blown meltdown, which I had around 1 PM Thursday afternoon. I couldn’t excuse myself quickly enough to get to privacy before it happened either, and due to that I’m now under a radar.

Just when I thought my coworkers might be sympathetic, it turns out they aren’t. They complained to my branch manager and to HR. When I tried to explain myself they didn’t hear any of it – they wrote me up anyway, for something that was utterly beyond my control. Of course, once that happens it’s all downhill from there – so much as letting one four-letter word slip and I’m going to be written up again and possibly/probably terminated on the spot.

Take it from me that the crane business is no place for an autist. It’s just not. There is no “steady stream” of work in this industry. It’s one extreme or the other – either extreme boredom or extreme pressure/stress. My time in this industry has taught me that. It is absolutely toxic for us.

It’s not like I keep it a secret either. They all know. Shit, I have an outward symbol of my condition on my left wrist! It’s very clearly displayed at all times. I’m not required to cover my ink at work so I don’t go out of my way to. All one has to do is look at my left wrist to know what/who I am and maybe, just maybe have some understanding. Alas, that is simply not the case.

With that being said, this fits a pervasive pattern that I have seen in my life. I start a new career, it looks promising initially, goes well for some time but ultimately fails. Why should I be surprised?

“I thought this time, this time, I’m gonna make it; why I thought so I really don’t know? Tell me lies and I’ll come running…I could close my eyes and tell you just exactly what’s coming. Life’s gonna turn just a little unkind.” 

That’s a little modified movie song lyric, but you get it. At one point does one throw in the towel? At what point does one give up and resign himself to the fact he will never have a successful career? All I know is it’s been this way since I finished undergrad in 2008 – it’s a pattern that started right then and there and lasted up through my teaching career, my time in grad school and now my post-grad school life. I just can’t keep doing this.

I don’t know what to do anymore. I just don’t. All I know is I’m right back where I was: feeling depressed, miserable, angry. What the hell am I even doing here? I’m sick and tired of being mother nature’s joke (I use that term since I’m not a believer in a personal god). If there is some sort of greater purpose for my existence, I just don’t see it. Maybe it’s so people can get their rocks off as they take delight in the misery of someone who can’t control it. Maybe I am here to provide mere entertainment value to the sociopaths of this world.

Whatever the case, I don’t like it and unless something changes soon, I might just move my miserable ass to Zurich where I’ll have Dignitas in my backyard. I’m sure it wouldn’t take a whole hell of a lot to convince them that I have no quality of life and that I am a prime candidate for euthanasia. At this point it just seems as though being put out of my misery would be the best option.

Song Lyric Sunday 9/2/18 – Let’s Go

Car/Cars is our theme for this week’s Song Lyric Sunday. Well, it fits the theme if I use the band instead of a song with that, right? Right?!?!?!?

Well, OK. Instead of specifically doing a song with that theme, I’m instead going to go with my favorite song by the band The Cars. This song was featured on the album Candy-O and has long been my favorite song by the group.

So here’s the 1979 song “Let’s Go” by The Cars (written by Ric Ocasek):

She’s driving away
With the dim lights on
And she’s making a play
She can’t go wrong

She never waits too long

She’s winding them down
On her clock machine
And she won’t give up
‘Cause she’s seventeen

She’s a frozen fire
She’s my one desire
And I don’t want to hold her down
Don’t want to break her crown
When she says

“Let’s go”
I like the nightlife baby
She says
I like the nightlife baby
She says
“Let’s go”

She’s laughing inside
‘Cause they can’t refuse
She’s so beautiful now
She doesn’t wear her shoes

She never likes to choose

She’s got wonderful eyes
And a risque mouth
And when I ask her before
She said she’s holding out

She’s a frozen fire
She’s my one desire
And I don’t want to hold her down
Don’t want to break her crown
When she says

“Let’s go”
I like the nightlife baby
She says
I like the nightlife baby
She says
“Let’s go”

Ooh
I like the nightlife baby
She says
I like the nightlife baby
She says
“Let’s go”
Source: https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/cars/letsgo.html

Hope you enjoyed. Until next week!