When Stress Manifests Itself Physically

If there was ever any indication I needed a career change and fast, it’s my body just starting to break down entirely. It’s been stressful lately, so stressful I am having headaches, tachycardia, hypertension, palpitations and we won’t even talk about the most recent manifestation of that stress except to say my ass hurts so bad I can’t sit down for any length of time. Make what you will of that but I’m sure you catch my drift.

The stress has been building gradually over the past few weeks but last week was the straw that broke the camel’s back as it were. The head engineer passes the buck on one of his pet projects and makes me draw something up in Autodesk Inventor, a software I’m not too familiar with. Between being under the gun there and trying to handle my other duties, well, I about imploded.

Then I get kickback on a previous lift plan drawing I had done and get bitched out because of one reason or another. This ain’t the first time. Apparently nothing I do around here is good enough.

What started out as looking like a good move has quickly soured. It’s getting to be even worse than my previous job. I can’t catch a break and everyone is complaining about something.

Of course, that’s only part of my problem. The personal life/family stress I’m facing right now isn’t helping either. It’s just a perfect storm as it were.

I just don’t know what to do. I don’t know what career would be better suited to me. I guess I should start looking though. Doing some research as it were. The crane business is no place for an autist. It’s way too stressful for us to handle. I have had three meltdowns at work in the past two weeks. I’m absolutely miserable.

Anyway, sorry for all that. I just needed to rant. Forgive me. Life just really sucks right now. At least I have my blogging buddies and my few in person friends to lean on for support. You mean more to me than you know.


Song Lyric Sunday 10/21/18 – I Love You But I’m Lost (Redux)

I know, another redux for this week’s Song Lyric Sunday theme (which is lost), but after the shit week I’ve had, and given that my default pick has already been used, it is what it is.

Alas, there is something different this time. The last time I shared this song it was so new that there hadn’t yet been an official music video released for it. As it is, the song is only a year old (released October 2017) and the official video wasn’t released until that December so I guess this time around instead of just a generic audio I’ll share the official video to the song “I Love You But I’m Lost” by none other than TFF (written by Roland Orzabal).

Lost in the maze of the back streets I struggled
Fighting my way through a whole lot of trouble
Too many people were talking without moving their mouths

So many days so many nights ever wonder
By the lies that have stolen my thunder
In the haze of my mind all the wires were crossed

I love you but I’m lost

From a flame to the spark of an ember
To a fire on the 5th of November
We escaped from the light now we count the cost

I love you but I’m lost
I love you but I’m lost

Look at the marks on your arms all the colours
How you like to make them pay
These are the reasons why your life is not quite what it was

In a dream at the edge of a river
Where we swam where I watched you shiver
Came to life in my arms and then turned to dust

I love you but I’m lost

From a flame to the spark of an ember
To a fire on the 5th of November
We escaped from the light now we count the cost

I love you but I’m lost
I love you but I’m lost

All we needed was some time (x4)

I love you but I’m lost (x7)
Source: https://tearsandkooksintl.com/2017/10/14/lyrics-i-love-you-but-im-lost/

For those who listened last time, hope you enjoyed the song again. For those who hadn’t heard it yet, hope you like it! Just goes to show you can indeed teach an old dog new tricks. Alas, rumor has it that TFF is working on a new album to be released either late this year or sometime in 2019, so I’m excited for that to drop too!

Until next time!

Do We Tell the Truth or Do We Live a Lie?

First things first, a cookie for anyone who recognizes the above song lyric and can name both song and band.

Anyway, I happened to think of that particular song lyric today (even though the song referenced above has nothing to do with the content of this post) reading a comment one of my closest friends left on a Facebook status update last night. Here’s what she said:

Too many people go to the grave not ever living their true life and their true self… that’s what’s a shame. Being you and embracing it is a beautiful, freeing thing. I love you sweet friend.

This was in response to a little personal quip asking how long it would take someone to make a smart remark about my new winter look (answer: not long). Oh well, I’m not going to let such remarks get to me. I will keep on being me and making no apologies for it.

Alas, I wasn’t always that way. I lived a lie for so long. I covered up who I was inside. I put on a false front and wore a mask forever, and it was so draining. Granted, sometimes it is easier to live a lie on the surface, for fear of judgment, ridicule, criticism, etc. However, when we get the courage to be who we really are, it’s so liberating.

So where are you? Are you telling the truth or living a lie? Think about that today. If you’re telling the truth, good for you. I’m sure I’m preaching to the choir. If you’re living a lie, be bold and tell the truth for a change. You’ll be surprised at how much better and more confident you feel, even if it comes at the expense of judgment and ridicule. That says more about them than it does you.

Peace be with you today.

Photo Teasers – Meggings

So here are some little teasers of what is to come. I’ve been playing around doing some “mirror selfies” of my all-new for 2018 winter wardrobe, featuring not only the ever infamous “Davy” Dukes but some wild and crazy “meggings!”

These were just snapshots taken in my bathroom mirror with my iPhone SE, but you still get the idea. These are some random outfits I just slapped together to do some selfie “modeling” prior to doing a full photoshoot next week with an actual photographer and a real camera.

So let’s take a look at what we’ve got here. From the Lotus men’s collection we have both of these galactic/space themed pairs – one more reddish and one with more of a blue tint. These are both size 2XL and the fit on me was absolutely perfect from the waist size (I have about a 36 to 37 inch waist) and I wear about a 34″ inseam. I had some leg left over but not much so the length was perfect for someone of an average height (I stand 5′-11″).

And from Kapow we have this lightning pattern pair from their original collection and this tartan pair from their “performance” collection. In both versions I opted for a size L. For the original meggings, the fit was perfect though the leg was a bit long (not a big deal – I can roll them up or fold them down at the ankle) however I found the performance meggings to fit a fair bit more snug on the waist and on the leg; perhaps I should suggest adding an XL size in their performance range? It was still comfortable but I didn’t find it quite as comfortable as the original edition.

Anyway, more to come hopefully in about a week. Stay tuned, you don’t want to miss this!

EDIT: Jordan, one of the founders of Kapow, sent me an email today asking to link to their site. No problem! If any of my followers wish, use code TIA10 for 10% off your order! Hope some of you take advantage of it.

Song Lyric Sunday 10/7/18 – Everybody Wants to Rule the World (Redux)

So I’m a little late this week and I was totally absent last week for Song Lyric Sunday. Sorry. Action packed last weekend and lots of drama this weekend. Ugh. Crazy.

Anyway, with the travesty that just occurred in the United States with the appointment of a rapist to the Supreme Court of the United States, and one who is a threat to a woman’s right to choose, LGBTQ+ rights, the right to privacy, etc. etc. – all I could think of was how I just wanted to crawl into a room where the light won’t find me. Of course, this is a lyrical reference to the song “Everybody Wants to Rule the World” by TFF (written by Roland Orzabal, Ian Stanley and Chris Hughes).

So I figured I’d redux this selection and add a couple of interesting covers of the song. Of course, for reminder, here is the original song. This was the version performed at AA Center in Dallas last year; a concert which I was fortunate enough to attend live. It was awesome!

 Welcome to your life
There’s no turning back
Even while we sleep
We will find you

Acting on your best behaviour
Turn your back on mother nature
Everybody wants to rule the world

It’s my own design
It’s my own remorse
Help me to decide
Help me make the most

Of freedom and of pleasure
Nothing ever lasts forever
Everybody wants to rule the world

There’s a room where the light won’t find you
Holding hands while the walls come tumbling down
When they do I’ll be right behind you

So glad we’ve almost made it
So sad they had to fade it
Everybody wants to rule the world

I can’t stand this indecision
Married with a lack of vision
Everybody wants to rule the world
Say that you’ll never never never never need it
One headline why believe it?
Everybody wants to rule the world

All for freedom and for pleasure
Nothing ever lasts forever
Everybody wants to rule the world
Source: http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/tearsforfears/everybodywantstoruletheworld.html

So that’s the song we all know and love right? Well, here are a couple of interesting covers. The first one here is by Lorde, who takes it in a completely different direction. It’s spooky but cool in a way, and was recorded for one of the movies in The Hunger Games series (can’t remember which one). It’s totally different though.

A couple of other cool covers I like are these. Ted Yoder became YouTube famous almost overnight after he covered the song on hammered dulcimer. I’m sharing two versions of that here: one Yoder solo and one with Curt Smith and Jamie Wollam of TFF! Musical magic unfolds when they get together.

Everybody wants to rule the world indeed. Here’s looking at you, Mr. President. Worthless fucking piece of orange haired monkey shit.

Some Random Life Updates

So I haven’t done much blogging about just life lately, so here we go. What’s been going on with me?

  • New ink – all healed up and ready to go. Will be doing a write-up on them on the “My tattoos” page in the near future.
  • The brother-in-law took a job with a wind energy company and is now making twice as much money as I am. I’m very glad to see he’s turning his life around. As he is on the road constantly, it is looking like RV life is in their future. No need for us to move anywhere. That’s a big relief.
  • My niece is to be delivered by C-section next Monday. This will make me a 2nd time uncle and the last time – she’s had enough in her opinion. That’s plenty anyway.
  • Octoberfest at our local brewery was this past weekend. Went with my awesome fellow inked autist friend and her wife and had a blast, followed by some drunk karaoke at her house after in which we rocked “Woman in Chains” by TFF. Not quite ready for primetime, but we will perform it sometime and somewhere.
  • I received my new winter look (the “meggings”) in the mail and my zany inked autist friend mentioned above does photography as a hobby will be doing a full modeling photoshoot with me. I actually get to try my hand at modeling, for what it’s worth. Stay tuned, you don’t want to miss that one!
  • I seem to have developed a mild sciatica on my right side. Bleh, no fun.
  • Work still sucks but not as badly right now. Still debating as to whether or not to involve the EEOC and/or investigate further if the company went too far and violated the ADA in the process.
  • Dancing with the Stars is back in season and I’m already super sappy over it. I bawled like a baby the second Danielle Umstead (who is totally blind but a Paralympic medalist) took the floor with her pro partner Artem Chigvinstev and every time she dances it hits me hard.
  • There might be renewed interest in revitalizing the tower bells at the Episcopal Church here. That would be awesome, I haven’t touched a bell rope in almost two years now.
  • Unfortunately, yet again, due to some circumstances I’ve not been able to take on my grandfather clock project. Hopefully sometime not too long from now I’ll be in a position to. Maybe next spring.

Well that’s about all I have to report for now. How have things been going with you all? I’d love to hear from you!